The Heifer, the Hamstring, and the Hand of God

Sometimes the Lord takes you completely out of your environment to speak clearly about the next right thing. The Lord has certainly taken me to a new place, a new environment, a new adventure. It all started with a heifer gone wild the week after Easter.

David's business involves landscape and cattle. He cuts the grass. He feeds the cows. That's his life, and he loves it. He also loves Mississippi State baseball. The grass and the cattle keep him close to home. Mississippi State baseball takes him 10 hours away from home, and that 10-hour distance created an opportunity for the Lord to begin this new journey. Somewhere around 6:30 am on a cool, sunny Monday morning, I wrote in my computerized journal something like this: Lord, life is moving too fast. There is too much chaos, and I can't hear You. I can't see You. I feel distant, and I long to be still in Your presence. Will you provide a way for me to be still in Your presence? I likely even included Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God.

I closed my Bible and my computer. I grabbed my coffee cup, folded my blanket (yes, I am always cold), and headed toward the dishwasher. I looked out the kitchen window, and I saw a heifer walking freely in our yard. David's newest heifer at the time. Her name is Dolly, and she was walking around like she owned the place, like a woman singing that old familiar Dolly Parton song. "Working 9-5 what a way to make a living. Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving. They just use your mind, but you never get the credit. It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it." She was free with no boss at home. Or so she thought.

I grabbed the closest shoes to the door. They happened to be David's shoes, and his feet are twice my size, but that's no big deal right? I'm just going to get that heifer and walk her back into her pen. I will spare you all the details and me the embarrassment. I'll just say getting her into the pen wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Give me a shout out though. I did get her in that pen. And just as I was about ready to finish the task and get her into a smaller, more confined area, she shifted. She marched right in front of me and started pulling. I could almost hear her saying, "It's not 9 o'clock yet, boss man, and I am not on the clock." She glared at me, and I think she even grinned a sly little grin. Then she pulled some more. I dug my heels into the ground in shoes twice my size pulling on a heifer more than three times my size. Somehow in my mind, I thought, "I've got this." At no point did I say, "I am a 57-year-old man wearing my sleep pants and shoes two sizes too big in a pen with two heifers and a bull on the way to being a steer via the process of a tightly tied rubber band. I must be crazy." That would have been a good thought, but it's not the one I had. I best not tell you all the thoughts I had, but a little imagination will probably reveal something close.

Finally, Dolly pulled one more time. I pulled back to no avail. She jerked, and I fell with what felt like a knife going through my left leg. I now know it was a torn hamstring, and while the Lord did heal the tear, I am still recovering from the strain. Trust me when I say, "I Will Always Love You" was not the song playing in my head.

It didn't take long for me to remember my morning prayer. After a therapeutic (and painful) massage, some ibuprofen, some ice, and a lot of pain, the Lord reminded me. He nudged, and reminded me of His word. "Ask and ye shall receive ..." I asked Him to provide a way for me to be still in His presence, and He answered immediately. I was still. No yard work. Nothing to fix. Nothing to plan. Just stillness.

God began to move. I felt peace, and I experienced His presence. I had some more time alone a couple of weeks later, and with my newfound stillness, I sat outside and enjoyed some breakfast. I made my way to the swing and just enjoyed the breeze. I moved slowly around the yard, and didn't pick, dig, or spray anything. Actually I didn't even notice something needed to be done. God was moving in my life, just as He promised.

Then Sunday came. This next part is dangerous, especially for those who might be reading and are part of our church. Sunday came, and the peace began to diminish. The pressure mounted. The stillness became busy and crowded. My heart rate increased, and my anxiety resurfaced. What did this mean? What could be happening? Sundays are the day I fulfill my true calling. Or so I thought.

After a series of events over the next few weeks, I began to see clearly that church life had become a source of stress for me that I no longer knew how to manage. I had to admit to myself that the work of ministry was stealing my joy. I could be still in other parts of my life, but the church work still needed to go on, and Satan used this contrast between my rest Monday through Saturday and my stress on Sunday to help me see that I had indeed abandoned my call. I didn't abandon my call by walking away from my call. Instead I abandoned my call by letting other tasks, roles, and responsibilities keep me from focusing fully on my call. Jesus' words to Martha come to mind. He said something like, "Martha, you are worried about many things. Mary has chosen the best thing." Too many things were keeping me from the best thing.

Well now the Lord has me in Tanzania, working with a team from Bayou City Fellowship in Houston, where Caroline serves on the mission staff. We will be equipping pastors of the Maasai people to equip their churches to grow in Christ. Tanzania is a 7-hour time difference from my home which means during most of my waking hours, the rest of my world is sleeping or I am sleeping while they are living their lives. The Lord has been gracious to surround me with some godly folks with a heart for Matthew 28:18-20. He has also been gracious to help me release the stress of church work to focus on my primary calling, to preach the gospel for salvation, to teach the Word for obedience, and to equip the believers for works of ministry. The calling is a simple one, and without all the other "stuff" the calling becomes clear and doable.

We are just beginning the equipping part, so I will see how that progresses. For now, we are at Wild Hope Retreat and Training Center preparing to go deeper into Maasai territory for more intense equipping. Wild Hope Retreat and Training Center has their own front porch, and I am blessed to have had a moment to sit and admire God as I take in His beautiful creation. I am blessed to have had a moment to sit and thank God for answering my prayer to help me be still and know that He is God, even halfway around the world.

When the Door Opens

I’ve been thinking about something lately.

There are moments in life where something shifts, and I don’t always recognize it right away.

It’s not loud.
It’s not dramatic.

But something starts to move.

A door cracks open. A breeze picks up for just a moment. An idea gets shared.

And if I’m not paying attention, I can miss it.

That’s what I keep coming back to in Ezra 6.

The temple finally gets finished.

After delays.
After resistance.
After all the reasons it shouldn’t have happened.

And then there’s this simple line:

“The LORD had turned the heart of the king.” (Ezra 6:22)

That’s it.

No buildup.
No explanation.

Just a quiet reminder that God was working in places no one could see.

I think that’s the part I struggle with.

I want to see it clearly.
I want to know for sure:

“Is this God?”
“Is this the right time?”
“Is this really happening?”

But most of the time, it doesn’t come like that.

It comes subtly—through a conversation, an opportunity, or a nudge I can’t quite explain.

And here’s the tension I feel in that:

It’s possible to recognize that something is happening and still hesitate. That reality scares me.

---

The people in Ezra didn’t get it right the first time.

They had started… and then they stopped.

They hesitated when things got hard.
They stepped back when opposition came.

And it took time—and a word from the Lord—to bring them back to the work.

But when God stirred their hearts again, they stepped in.

---

I wonder how many moments I’ve missed like that.

Moments where God was opening something…
and I stayed where I was because it felt easier.
Or safer.
Or just more familiar.

I have to imagine I’m not the only one who has felt that.

---

I’ve even found myself thinking about that as a father.

As my kids have gotten older, I’ve had moments where I look back and wonder if I recognized everything I should have or if there were times I missed what God was doing right in front of me.

It wasn't because I didn’t care, but because I was busy, or focused on the wrong things, or just didn’t see it clearly at the time.

And not just as a dad—but in ministry too.

These are the moments where God may have been opening something, and I either hesitated or moved past it too quickly.

I don’t sit in that as regret as much as I do awareness because it reminds me that these moments matter—and they don’t always look like what I expect.

And maybe that’s part of the grace in all of this. Grace doesn’t always come easy for me, you know.

But maybe, just maybe, the grace in this is that God continues to open doors even after the ones I didn’t recognize.

Maybe I missed that moment, and maybe God, in His grace, opens another.

---

Here lies my point of curiosity today. 

What do I do when God opens something in front of me?

Do I wait until it’s obvious?

Do I wait until it’s comfortable?

Or do I step in—even if I don’t have everything figured out?

---

I don’t think those moments come around all the time. But when they do,they matter.

---

I've been sitting here on the porch pondering these things.  Trying to pay a little more attention. Trying not to rush past what might matter.

Maybe that’s all this is for now - just slowing down long enough to notice what might be opening right in front of me.

Just a quiet moment on the rocker, a cold water in hand, watching the dogs run and play. Oh, yes… the dogs.

That’s for another time.

Motivated To Work Overtime

Sunday night during our men's group, we talked briefly about changing times, specifically the number of hours required to do certain jobs and what makes a full time work week. The trend today calls for less time in the office, more vacation days, easier work environments, and increased fringe benefits. Most companies call this part of total compensation, and in many cases these extra benefits cost the company very little while providing the employee with a sense of relaxation and time away. My experience tells a different story because the extra time off and easier work environments do nothing to reduce the pressure but rather compress the pressure into smaller time frames. Time off, then, ends up getting spent decompressing in time to return to work refreshed and allowing no time to enjoy family, friends, hobbies, and just being you again.

Trying to squeeze a few moments of relaxation into a busy work week often limits time alone with the Lord in prayer and meditation on His word to small tidbits, or micro-moments. Recently, my doctor informed me that my number one health concern was stress and lack of rest. These two areas, he feels, are causing the other problems my body manifests on a daily basis. He recommended prayer and meditation first. Then he followed that recommendation with exercise and nutrition. I am grateful I found a spiritually minded doctor who was courageous enough to tell me, knowing I serve as a pastor and biblical teacher, that my exercise and nutrition would not help if I did not find more quality time for prayer and meditation. Perhaps, my personal doctor would enjoy Dr. Luke and his biblical writings.

Considering everything happening in the life of our church, I praise God for His glory and His power. He shows up in ways we could never imagine. I also have to pause and consider the unexplained near death experience of an 11 year old boy and the immediate surgery of another young man the same day. I think of the broken marriages and financial strain. I am aware of those living double lives and those who are living single lives very separated from the Lord. I think of all that happens in the lives we live and can't help but consider while we are trying to find ways to work less, one spiritual being works overtime every single day to destroy any good the Lord wants to do in our lives. Who is this overzealous worker, cashing in on every moment he gives to his task? You guessed it! Satan works overtime to destroy us and to steal our joy. Jesus taught us this in John 10:10. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 

Scripture overflows with examples of Satan's influence in working overtime. He worked while David was at home during a time of war. He worked forty days while Jesus was in the wilderness. He worked during the day and the night to confuse Israel and to make them regret leaving Egypt during their wilderness wanderings. He worked during the night to convince the Pharisees Jesus was the enemy. He still works overtime today. He works during the night as he steals sleep from the weary. He encourages late nights in shady hangouts for those looking for love in all the wrong places (cue Johnny Lee on the Jukebox now). He works during family gatherings and during the peaceful moments of calm as he distracts us from our time alone with God. This evil works in secret, too. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 

Knowing of Satan's interest in working overtime gets me to thinking about the first part of Peter's command in 1 Peter 5:8. "Be sober-minded; be watchful." The apostle reinforces our own need to work overtime in the battle against the enemy. How do we work overtime as physical beings who get tired and need to rest? Scriptures gives us two ways, and one fuels the other. 

Let's start with the physical solution. We need each other. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 teaches, "Two are better than one, for if they fall one can lift the other up again. Again, two lie down together, and will keep each other warm, but how can one keep warm alone?" Galatians 6:2 says, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We need each other because we get physically and emotionally tired. Perhaps this support comes to fight the enemy in praying for each other throughout the night at various times of the night or pausing at specific times in the day to pray specifically for a need. Maybe we could support each other by taking one day to have lunch with someone or even a phone call where our full attention goes toward listening, learning, and loving the person on the other side of the table or phone. Maybe we identify the times when Satan works the hardest in order to make sure we are sober minded and alert especially during those times. 

Physically working together to overcome the enemy provides a launching pad for the spiritual battle we are engaged in. Oh, and don't forget Satan is not the only one who works overtime. We serve a risen Savior who always stands on ready to fight for our joy. Take a moment to stop and read Psalm 116 and reflect on God's response to His people. Consider Psalm 34:4 as well. Now read Psalm 121. Our Lord never sleeps, and He will not let our foot slip. He works overtime to fight the battle, and He holds more power than the devil who is a created being under the authority of our God who has always been and always will be.

Ephesians 6:10-20 describes our collaborative efforts in the spiritual battle to remind us that as we fight along with those in our Christian fellowship, we are wearing the armor of and fighting in the battle with the Holy Spirit of God. He works overtime to keep us safe, and He calls us to work overtime, in cooperation with other believers, to keep the fight going.

During these next few weeks we will find time to take moments away from work so we can find ways to be busy at home getting ready to spend time in emotionally charged and physically challenged relationships and activity. Take time to refresh with the Lord and to prepare yourself for the spiritual battle that you are part of each moment. As you find time to work less at your job, find ways to engage more with the Lord. You will never regret the overtime you spend with the Lord!

 Just Minding My Own Business 

Okay. I'll admit it. I don't like it, but it's true. My family points it out regularly, and no matter how hard I try, I struggle to shake it. I know I am a new creation and must move past it. It lurks. It haunts. It paralyzes at times. I confess it, and I know the Lord is faithful to forgive. He also calls me to repent and trust Him. I try, but not hard enough I suppose. (Cue Quincy Jones 1981 Just Once for dramatic effect). I commit myself to overcome, and then the inevitable happens and concretes my irrational thinking. In that moment, I am convinced, in some other world, my name is Murphy. There is a law of nature written in my honor. Yes, I know the saying originated as an engineering principle, but sometimes I wonder if the law was written for me. You know the one. "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." 

Many of you are too young or too sophisticated to have ever watched Hee Haw. As a child in Mississippi in the 70's Hee Haw was a highlight of my week. Grandpa Jones, Minnie Pearl, Buck Owens, Roy Clark, and many, many more visited our home weekly through the talking box to provide entertainment and laughter for trying times. (Sometimes I miss these shows). During one recurring segment a group of country comedians would sit around with their moonshine jugs, sporting their well worn overalls, and they would sing my theme song. Sometimes I feel like if there was a soundtrack of my life, this sound would be every number on the album. The words went like this:

Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Deep, dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Good, despair and agony on me. 

Here it is for your half time enjoyment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAAKPJEq1Ew

Do I have any current evidence, you might ask? After all, I am pretty good at creating my own trouble. Sin, bad habits, anxiety, busy-ness, and that crazy inner critic create all kinds of chaos in me. What makes me think that bad things just happen because I simply exist.

Cut to stage left for a moment and envision me sitting in a parking lot to make sure my internet connection stays strong on a nice Friday afternoon finishing up a work call . Now watch closely. Notice the black Toyota Tacoma backing out of her parking spot with plenty of room to maneuver. Grab the popcorn because here it comes. As she continues to back out she begins to turn ever so slightly and just at the wrong moment. Hold tight. Brace yourself. There it is!! CRASH. She hit the rear passenger bumper of my car and caught her bumper on the edge of the taillight before proceeding to move forward to finish off what she started. She didn't mean to do it. Distraction. A long day at work. A lifted truck. Who knows all the factors that went into this moment in time. All I know is I was sitting innocently in my car trying to finish an honest day's work when out of nowhere my whole Friday turned to a crunch. Like I said, if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. 

I sighed. I exited my vehicle. I tried to calm the nerves of the young and impressionable 20 year old who interrupted my day. I was kind and understanding. We called the sheriff, and the deputy came promptly. All was settled, and I was on my way. It was a moment in time that will fade away. I have to confess, however, it did have me asking, "Lord, what are you wanting me to learn here? What was I doing wrong? What am I not hearing?" 

As I have contemplated these thoughts, the Holy Spirit has taken the opportunity to remind me that I don't deserve any fabulous life free from interruptions or inconvenience. He also reminded me that yes indeed there are plenty of times I create my own mess. Then, He gently reminded me that sometimes life just happens, and it doesn't always go my way. Maybe it even rarely goes my way. But life really isn't about my way, now is it? Life is about God's way and conforming me into the image of His Son. 

Lately I have had moments where I was minding my own business, and chaos happened. For me, usually this happens on a Sunday morning when Satan knows I am most vulnerable. I feel the pain of people's sorrow and the responsibility to deliver a word of Truth. I sense the vulnerability of those I care for and the need to create a safe space for each one of them. I go into every Sunday with the intention of loving the people completely and serving the Lord wholeheartedly. Then, from around the corner, Satan throws a curve ball. Someone confronts me in what I view as an attack. Another discounts someone's feelings, and the emotion ends up at my feet. Details I thought were handled fall apart (or never materialize). The chaos ensues no matter how hard I have tried to make sure everything is in place. Just right. Settled. Ready for a calm morning of revival.

In these moments I don't always respond well. I wish I did, but I just don't. I pray the Lord will change me. The inner chaos I carry over from the week bubbles up, and the current situation becomes more significant than it really might me. I am minding my own business .... and the Lord has reminded me that could be the problem. It's not my business to mind. It's His business. He is in control. He is training me for righteous living. He holds the keys to victory and peace. His business. Not mine.

I wonder now that I have taken a pause, if the slight bump from a black Toyota Tacoma was part of God's plan to remind me to relax. I didn't get upset - only mildly stressed. After all, it's just a car. Maybe this moment serves as a reminder that whatever comes my way can be handled when I keep it in perspective. Folks are growing in Christ. People are engaging in the Word of God. Small groups are digging into the Bible and asking hard questions. People are being baptized. The rest? Just a small fender bender in the parking lot, easily fixed, and not as bad as it first appeared.

I am trying to get to the root of my struggle. I see that the calm I desire is in conflict with the chaos of my life. I have created much of that chaos. Jesus can redeem the chaos, just as He has redeemed my old nature and made me new. 

Psalm 46:10 challenges me to "Be still, and know that I am God." Oh, Lord, teach me to be still.

WHEN THE WATER DOESN’T FLOW: A REFLECTION ON GRACE, GROWTH, AND CLOGGED PIPES

Recent developments and an increased desire for authenticity prompted me to revisit Pooh Corner from the view of the porch of my life. Three years ago we actually moved into a house with a front porch so how about that?!? I begin this journey again with some fear but also with hope. As many of you know trust doesn't come easily, but at my age, who knows how many more years I've really got. I might as well let transparency become a new theme.

Shortly after we moved into our new home, our septic system failed. I feel confident I don't need to explain how we knew the system failed, but if so I would encourage you to simply use your imagination. Just don't sit there too long. (Pun intended) We could not find the source of the problem at first, but a reliable and persistent plumber eventually uncovered the cause and offered a solution. We needed an additional pump out back to push some of the more substantive waste further through the pipes. Liquid seemed to move fine, but since we tend to produce more than liquid waste we took his proposal and installed a smaller pump outside the bathroom to handle the problem. The solution worked. 

Abrupt thought shift alert that will come back around: 

David and I left town today on a journey to Mississippi State. We will experience basketball and then baseball together. Yes, he chose to remain for Saturday and enjoy a football game, although for the life of my I can't understand why. Attending Mississippi State baseball brings on so many emotions that my Whoop tells me "Hey dude, High Stress Zone." Maybe I'll unpack the reasons for that stress later, but in the meantime I am looking forward to enjoying the Diamond Dawg Classic with David. He loves it! 

On the way out of town we stopped by the church building where I serve as pastor, and a conversation with a trusted friend got me to thinking that I need to figure out what might be causing me to have some of my own clogged pipes. (Did you follow my thinking - if so that might be scary) I'm not talking about physical pipes in my body so don't worry about having to read some description of my recent gastrointestinal mechanisms. Instead, I'm talking about spiritual pipes. You see, sometimes it feels like my life is like a house with good plumbing overall but some minor issues here and there. The water source is strong, the foundation is solid, and in most places, the water runs clear and life-giving. But in a few lines, something slows the flow. You can sense it. The pressure changes, the rhythm shifts, and you know something’s clogging the line, even if you can’t yet see what or where. 

That’s where I’ve found myself lately. I noticed it several months ago and thought my plans to work it out would prove effective. Then, others began to notice, and that's what my good friend today as well as another last week, plus my family in general called out. The me I know keeps hiding somewhere for some reason, and others wonder what might be happening in Pooh corner. Thus, the journey back here. Maybe you would also enjoy the movie Christopher Robin to better understand the connection. 

Back to my pipes. I hold awareness that the Spirit’s water is still running in my life, but not as freely in a few places. I can’t yet identify the source, and I’m open to the possibility that part of it may be completely in me. Honestly, sometimes that thought brings anxiety back into my life, because I sense the clog could be something I can’t fix on my own.

When that tension rises, it sometimes comes out as frustration or even anger. And I know that, from the outside, that can seem hypocritical or unpastoral and unchristian. I don’t take that lightly. I want to be transparent here. I am confessing that inconsistency and expression to the Lord and working with Him to manage those responses in real time — learning to pause, to listen, and to let His Spirit calm what my heart wants to fix too quickly. These moments are reminders that undershepherds are still sheep too, finding ourselves still learning, still growing, still dependent on grace.

The good news is that the foundation is solid, and the water source, the Spirit of God, never fails or dries up. We’re not dealing with a broken house but just a few pipes that need attention. And I’m learning that attending to them doesn’t mean forcing a fix; it means slowing down, staying humble, and trusting God to reveal what He sees in His time.

So I’m paying attention. I’m praying. And I’m asking the Lord to clear what’s clogged, in me and in us, so that the water of His grace can move freely again, bringing renewed unity, health, and fruit for Christ.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling that same mixture of longing and frustration, take heart. The flow may slow, but the Source is still strong. And grace has a way of finding its way through.

From My Heart

I share this because I believe transparency invites grace. I also share this with some fear. Trust does not come easily for me, and past relational hurt screams for me to stop typing and definitely do not post. I am choosing grace and authenticity with the hope that my friends and family sees me as one fully and not just as the me I try to portray. 

Even when my tone feels heavy or my expression seems sharp, what’s beneath it is care and a deep burden of responsibility. Beneath what could be a strong and maybe rough exterior lies a longing for God’s best, not control; for life, not pressure. My prayer is simple: that I will walk with others in humility and love, trusting the Lord to clear what only He can, and letting His living water run freely through every part of my life.

If anything in this reflection stirs a question or concern, please know I’m open to conversation. I welcome it actually, with the same grace and compassion I hope to offer, and the same grace and compassion I also need to receive.

For Righteousness

Have you ever wondered why the cook seldom comes to the table as hungry as everyone else? One day it dawned on me watching my Mamaw cook and then sit down to a meal. She never seemed to be as hungry as others gathered around the table, and on this particular day, I realized the reason for this crazy situation. Mamaw nibbled a lot while she cooked, tasting and seasoning, and of course, stirring. All of her nibbling made her almost full well before the true meal began. As a result, her food began to settle as she ate smaller portions. Then, when everyone else was filled with the plentiful feast, she was ready for a healthy portion of dessert. Others, just a small piece. Now I know the truth. The reason she was always ready for dessert immediately following the meal is because the main part of her meal happened an hour or so before.

I'm like Mamaw when it comes to my spiritual life. I do a lot of nibbling. A podcast here and there. A 20 minute message. A challenging quote. A quiet time rushing me into my day. I wonder if you nibble as well.

Jesus said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" (Mathew 5:6). Hungering and thirsting for right standing with God paints quite a different picture from the nibbling that simply tides us over to the next snack. Too often, my commitment to a right standing with God is like deciding to get healthy and quit eating ice cream. I do it for a while, but then I start to miss the ice cream. I know that the spare tire around my middle won't go away without discipline, yet the allure of Gold Medal Ribbon, Rocky Road, or a Spanish Sundae pulls with greater intensity the more I resolve to stay away.

Satan knows just how to get us full before we are satisfied. He soothes our hunger with relationships, with reading posts on social media, with random quotes and devotions that pop up from time to time. He fuels our hunger with politics, with press, with piety, and with petty arguments. In the end, we settle for tidbits of God rather than transformation from God. Or at least I do. Do you? Satan is a professional when it comes to tricking our spiritual hunger into feeling satisfied by the nibbling, tasting, and stirring that happens occasionally in our lives. We think that because we got small pieces of something healthy we must be well nourished. Jesus disagrees, and I desperately want to be on His side of spiritual health.

Sunday in our worship gathering we talked about three keys to being satisfied, and this week I am trying to meditate on those and consider how to make them more of a reality in my life. The three keys were

1. Satisfy desire with substance - stop nibbling, and dig into the main dish - the living and active Word of God.

2. Seek perfection over pleasure - stop reading posts and press for agreement - instead look deep into the word for challenges to our current way of thinking - generational sin and biased can be changed if we will open our minds to what the Spirit teaches from His Truth.

3. Season truth with love - Spices make foods a lot more palatable - who eats a plain potato and really enjoys it? The seasoning of love can make truth more palatable to the world around us. Truth is essential for health, and love is essential for hearing. I pray that I will cease being bland and instead will be a pleasing tasting of Christ to those around me.

Blessed - satisfied - those words sound ever so sweet. Are they possible? Jesus offers a resounding "YES." Hunger and thirst after righteousness, and you will be both blessed and satisfied. Amen.

Eighteen

In case you are wondering, none of the tricks actually work. No matter how hard you try you will never be able to stop time. Of course, during this quarantine for COVID 19 we may all feel that time has come to a grinding halt, but with all of the cancellations COVD 19 has brought our way, the one cancellation I was hoping for pressed on and pressed hard. Today marks the day when the world became a better place for me and for many others. May 29, 2002, my precious Caroline Donnelle Permenter entered the world with a heart of independence and passion. Oh how I thought I could hold onto every moment, while all along the moments were slipping by.

New born became preschool which became elementary school which became middle school which became high school which now will become college. Why are our lives marked by the educational levels we have reached and surpassed? We have pictures to remind us of school plays, of dances (my daughter is the most beautiful dancer you will ever see, by the way - and of course, I am not biased), of sporting events, of birthday parties, of proms, and of so much more. Photographs fail to grasp the most important part of humanity and more specifically the most important part of my princess.

Deep beyond the shutter, the flash, the negatives (for those who are older) and deep beyond the three cameras of the latest iPhone (for those who are quite a bit younger), a daring and brave little girl waits for the next chapter of her life. Deep behind the smile, a caring and brave young woman anticipates all the future holds. Deep, deep in her soul, one blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places reaches forward to embrace life to the fullest.

Because of Caroline's life, friends have been encouraged. Because of her life, a little brother has been protected. Because of her life, an older brother has learned to deal with various emotions (which will aid him greatly as he enters marriage in a few months.) Because of Caroline, younger girls have grown deeper in their walk with Christ and Christian leaders have been challenged to be true to their own teachings. Because of Caroline some children who are victims of trauma will have a caring advocate working to help them recover and rebound. Because of Caroline I have seen the value in taking an honest look at life and doing the hard work to change a trajectory heading toward destruction. Because of Caroline I have seen what a Christ follower with a bold tenderness can do in a world that rejects you more times than you might prefer. When I write "because of Caroline," I am thinking "because of Christ in Caroline" because when I take time to stop and consider who she really is, I see Jesus - and more than anything seeing Jesus in her makes me smile.

I have a playlist on my phone entitled "Caroline." The time I lost with her during a trying part of our family's history provides the context for the playlist. As the songs resonate in my inner being, I am challenged to take every moment and ask "What now?" No one can change the past, but we can certainly adjust the future. Two songs on the playlist are Cinderella by Stephen Curtis Chapman and My Wish by Rascal Flatts. Caroline and I used to dance together to Cinderella, and My Wish reflects much of what I hope for her moving forward. What is my wish for Cinderella? My wish is that midnight would never come. My wish is that she would know deep in her soul that she is a princess no matter what the world may tell her. My wish is that she would embrace her belonging in the world, with her friends, in her church, in life. My wish is that the evil of so called high school friends would make her stronger and more discerning. My wish is that any pain I have caused from the mistakes of figuring out life after my own trauma will diminish and blossom into a beautiful rose. My wish is that above all Caroline will love the Lord her God with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that she will love her neighbor as herself. What a blessing the Lord gave me 18 years ago to participate in the life of this dynamic, distinct, deep spirited, dearly loved lady.

Happy Birthday Caroline.