Just Minding My Own Business 

Okay. I'll admit it. I don't like it, but it's true. My family points it out regularly, and no matter how hard I try, I struggle to shake it. I know I am a new creation and must move past it. It lurks. It haunts. It paralyzes at times. I confess it, and I know the Lord is faithful to forgive. He also calls me to repent and trust Him. I try, but not hard enough I suppose. (Cue Quincy Jones 1981 Just Once for dramatic effect). I commit myself to overcome, and then the inevitable happens and concretes my irrational thinking. In that moment, I am convinced, in some other world, my name is Murphy. There is a law of nature written in my honor. Yes, I know the saying originated as an engineering principle, but sometimes I wonder if the law was written for me. You know the one. "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." 

Many of you are too young or too sophisticated to have ever watched Hee Haw. As a child in Mississippi in the 70's Hee Haw was a highlight of my week. Grandpa Jones, Minnie Pearl, Buck Owens, Roy Clark, and many, many more visited our home weekly through the talking box to provide entertainment and laughter for trying times. (Sometimes I miss these shows). During one recurring segment a group of country comedians would sit around with their moonshine jugs, sporting their well worn overalls, and they would sing my theme song. Sometimes I feel like if there was a soundtrack of my life, this sound would be every number on the album. The words went like this:

Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Deep, dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Good, despair and agony on me. 

Here it is for your half time enjoyment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAAKPJEq1Ew

Do I have any current evidence, you might ask? After all, I am pretty good at creating my own trouble. Sin, bad habits, anxiety, busy-ness, and that crazy inner critic create all kinds of chaos in me. What makes me think that bad things just happen because I simply exist.

Cut to stage left for a moment and envision me sitting in a parking lot to make sure my internet connection stays strong on a nice Friday afternoon finishing up a work call . Now watch closely. Notice the black Toyota Tacoma backing out of her parking spot with plenty of room to maneuver. Grab the popcorn because here it comes. As she continues to back out she begins to turn ever so slightly and just at the wrong moment. Hold tight. Brace yourself. There it is!! CRASH. She hit the rear passenger bumper of my car and caught her bumper on the edge of the taillight before proceeding to move forward to finish off what she started. She didn't mean to do it. Distraction. A long day at work. A lifted truck. Who knows all the factors that went into this moment in time. All I know is I was sitting innocently in my car trying to finish an honest day's work when out of nowhere my whole Friday turned to a crunch. Like I said, if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. 

I sighed. I exited my vehicle. I tried to calm the nerves of the young and impressionable 20 year old who interrupted my day. I was kind and understanding. We called the sheriff, and the deputy came promptly. All was settled, and I was on my way. It was a moment in time that will fade away. I have to confess, however, it did have me asking, "Lord, what are you wanting me to learn here? What was I doing wrong? What am I not hearing?" 

As I have contemplated these thoughts, the Holy Spirit has taken the opportunity to remind me that I don't deserve any fabulous life free from interruptions or inconvenience. He also reminded me that yes indeed there are plenty of times I create my own mess. Then, He gently reminded me that sometimes life just happens, and it doesn't always go my way. Maybe it even rarely goes my way. But life really isn't about my way, now is it? Life is about God's way and conforming me into the image of His Son. 

Lately I have had moments where I was minding my own business, and chaos happened. For me, usually this happens on a Sunday morning when Satan knows I am most vulnerable. I feel the pain of people's sorrow and the responsibility to deliver a word of Truth. I sense the vulnerability of those I care for and the need to create a safe space for each one of them. I go into every Sunday with the intention of loving the people completely and serving the Lord wholeheartedly. Then, from around the corner, Satan throws a curve ball. Someone confronts me in what I view as an attack. Another discounts someone's feelings, and the emotion ends up at my feet. Details I thought were handled fall apart (or never materialize). The chaos ensues no matter how hard I have tried to make sure everything is in place. Just right. Settled. Ready for a calm morning of revival.

In these moments I don't always respond well. I wish I did, but I just don't. I pray the Lord will change me. The inner chaos I carry over from the week bubbles up, and the current situation becomes more significant than it really might me. I am minding my own business .... and the Lord has reminded me that could be the problem. It's not my business to mind. It's His business. He is in control. He is training me for righteous living. He holds the keys to victory and peace. His business. Not mine.

I wonder now that I have taken a pause, if the slight bump from a black Toyota Tacoma was part of God's plan to remind me to relax. I didn't get upset - only mildly stressed. After all, it's just a car. Maybe this moment serves as a reminder that whatever comes my way can be handled when I keep it in perspective. Folks are growing in Christ. People are engaging in the Word of God. Small groups are digging into the Bible and asking hard questions. People are being baptized. The rest? Just a small fender bender in the parking lot, easily fixed, and not as bad as it first appeared.

I am trying to get to the root of my struggle. I see that the calm I desire is in conflict with the chaos of my life. I have created much of that chaos. Jesus can redeem the chaos, just as He has redeemed my old nature and made me new. 

Psalm 46:10 challenges me to "Be still, and know that I am God." Oh, Lord, teach me to be still.