Sometimes the Lord takes you completely out of your environment to speak clearly about the next right thing. The Lord has certainly taken me to a new place, a new environment, a new adventure. It all started with a heifer gone wild the week after Easter.
David's business involves landscape and cattle. He cuts the grass. He feeds the cows. That's his life, and he loves it. He also loves Mississippi State baseball. The grass and the cattle keep him close to home. Mississippi State baseball takes him 10 hours away from home, and that 10-hour distance created an opportunity for the Lord to begin this new journey. Somewhere around 6:30 am on a cool, sunny Monday morning, I wrote in my computerized journal something like this: Lord, life is moving too fast. There is too much chaos, and I can't hear You. I can't see You. I feel distant, and I long to be still in Your presence. Will you provide a way for me to be still in Your presence? I likely even included Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God.
I closed my Bible and my computer. I grabbed my coffee cup, folded my blanket (yes, I am always cold), and headed toward the dishwasher. I looked out the kitchen window, and I saw a heifer walking freely in our yard. David's newest heifer at the time. Her name is Dolly, and she was walking around like she owned the place, like a woman singing that old familiar Dolly Parton song. "Working 9-5 what a way to make a living. Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving. They just use your mind, but you never get the credit. It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it." She was free with no boss at home. Or so she thought.
I grabbed the closest shoes to the door. They happened to be David's shoes, and his feet are twice my size, but that's no big deal right? I'm just going to get that heifer and walk her back into her pen. I will spare you all the details and me the embarrassment. I'll just say getting her into the pen wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Give me a shout out though. I did get her in that pen. And just as I was about ready to finish the task and get her into a smaller, more confined area, she shifted. She marched right in front of me and started pulling. I could almost hear her saying, "It's not 9 o'clock yet, boss man, and I am not on the clock." She glared at me, and I think she even grinned a sly little grin. Then she pulled some more. I dug my heels into the ground in shoes twice my size pulling on a heifer more than three times my size. Somehow in my mind, I thought, "I've got this." At no point did I say, "I am a 57-year-old man wearing my sleep pants and shoes two sizes too big in a pen with two heifers and a bull on the way to being a steer via the process of a tightly tied rubber band. I must be crazy." That would have been a good thought, but it's not the one I had. I best not tell you all the thoughts I had, but a little imagination will probably reveal something close.
Finally, Dolly pulled one more time. I pulled back to no avail. She jerked, and I fell with what felt like a knife going through my left leg. I now know it was a torn hamstring, and while the Lord did heal the tear, I am still recovering from the strain. Trust me when I say, "I Will Always Love You" was not the song playing in my head.
It didn't take long for me to remember my morning prayer. After a therapeutic (and painful) massage, some ibuprofen, some ice, and a lot of pain, the Lord reminded me. He nudged, and reminded me of His word. "Ask and ye shall receive ..." I asked Him to provide a way for me to be still in His presence, and He answered immediately. I was still. No yard work. Nothing to fix. Nothing to plan. Just stillness.
God began to move. I felt peace, and I experienced His presence. I had some more time alone a couple of weeks later, and with my newfound stillness, I sat outside and enjoyed some breakfast. I made my way to the swing and just enjoyed the breeze. I moved slowly around the yard, and didn't pick, dig, or spray anything. Actually I didn't even notice something needed to be done. God was moving in my life, just as He promised.
Then Sunday came. This next part is dangerous, especially for those who might be reading and are part of our church. Sunday came, and the peace began to diminish. The pressure mounted. The stillness became busy and crowded. My heart rate increased, and my anxiety resurfaced. What did this mean? What could be happening? Sundays are the day I fulfill my true calling. Or so I thought.
After a series of events over the next few weeks, I began to see clearly that church life had become a source of stress for me that I no longer knew how to manage. I had to admit to myself that the work of ministry was stealing my joy. I could be still in other parts of my life, but the church work still needed to go on, and Satan used this contrast between my rest Monday through Saturday and my stress on Sunday to help me see that I had indeed abandoned my call. I didn't abandon my call by walking away from my call. Instead I abandoned my call by letting other tasks, roles, and responsibilities keep me from focusing fully on my call. Jesus' words to Martha come to mind. He said something like, "Martha, you are worried about many things. Mary has chosen the best thing." Too many things were keeping me from the best thing.
Well now the Lord has me in Tanzania, working with a team from Bayou City Fellowship in Houston, where Caroline serves on the mission staff. We will be equipping pastors of the Maasai people to equip their churches to grow in Christ. Tanzania is a 7-hour time difference from my home which means during most of my waking hours, the rest of my world is sleeping or I am sleeping while they are living their lives. The Lord has been gracious to surround me with some godly folks with a heart for Matthew 28:18-20. He has also been gracious to help me release the stress of church work to focus on my primary calling, to preach the gospel for salvation, to teach the Word for obedience, and to equip the believers for works of ministry. The calling is a simple one, and without all the other "stuff" the calling becomes clear and doable.
We are just beginning the equipping part, so I will see how that progresses. For now, we are at Wild Hope Retreat and Training Center preparing to go deeper into Maasai territory for more intense equipping. Wild Hope Retreat and Training Center has their own front porch, and I am blessed to have had a moment to sit and admire God as I take in His beautiful creation. I am blessed to have had a moment to sit and thank God for answering my prayer to help me be still and know that He is God, even halfway around the world.
