The Heifer, the Hamstring, and the Hand of God

Sometimes the Lord takes you completely out of your environment to speak clearly about the next right thing. The Lord has certainly taken me to a new place, a new environment, a new adventure. It all started with a heifer gone wild the week after Easter.

David's business involves landscape and cattle. He cuts the grass. He feeds the cows. That's his life, and he loves it. He also loves Mississippi State baseball. The grass and the cattle keep him close to home. Mississippi State baseball takes him 10 hours away from home, and that 10-hour distance created an opportunity for the Lord to begin this new journey. Somewhere around 6:30 am on a cool, sunny Monday morning, I wrote in my computerized journal something like this: Lord, life is moving too fast. There is too much chaos, and I can't hear You. I can't see You. I feel distant, and I long to be still in Your presence. Will you provide a way for me to be still in Your presence? I likely even included Psalm 46:10: Be still and know that I am God.

I closed my Bible and my computer. I grabbed my coffee cup, folded my blanket (yes, I am always cold), and headed toward the dishwasher. I looked out the kitchen window, and I saw a heifer walking freely in our yard. David's newest heifer at the time. Her name is Dolly, and she was walking around like she owned the place, like a woman singing that old familiar Dolly Parton song. "Working 9-5 what a way to make a living. Barely getting by, it's all taking and no giving. They just use your mind, but you never get the credit. It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it." She was free with no boss at home. Or so she thought.

I grabbed the closest shoes to the door. They happened to be David's shoes, and his feet are twice my size, but that's no big deal right? I'm just going to get that heifer and walk her back into her pen. I will spare you all the details and me the embarrassment. I'll just say getting her into the pen wasn't as easy as I thought it might be. Give me a shout out though. I did get her in that pen. And just as I was about ready to finish the task and get her into a smaller, more confined area, she shifted. She marched right in front of me and started pulling. I could almost hear her saying, "It's not 9 o'clock yet, boss man, and I am not on the clock." She glared at me, and I think she even grinned a sly little grin. Then she pulled some more. I dug my heels into the ground in shoes twice my size pulling on a heifer more than three times my size. Somehow in my mind, I thought, "I've got this." At no point did I say, "I am a 57-year-old man wearing my sleep pants and shoes two sizes too big in a pen with two heifers and a bull on the way to being a steer via the process of a tightly tied rubber band. I must be crazy." That would have been a good thought, but it's not the one I had. I best not tell you all the thoughts I had, but a little imagination will probably reveal something close.

Finally, Dolly pulled one more time. I pulled back to no avail. She jerked, and I fell with what felt like a knife going through my left leg. I now know it was a torn hamstring, and while the Lord did heal the tear, I am still recovering from the strain. Trust me when I say, "I Will Always Love You" was not the song playing in my head.

It didn't take long for me to remember my morning prayer. After a therapeutic (and painful) massage, some ibuprofen, some ice, and a lot of pain, the Lord reminded me. He nudged, and reminded me of His word. "Ask and ye shall receive ..." I asked Him to provide a way for me to be still in His presence, and He answered immediately. I was still. No yard work. Nothing to fix. Nothing to plan. Just stillness.

God began to move. I felt peace, and I experienced His presence. I had some more time alone a couple of weeks later, and with my newfound stillness, I sat outside and enjoyed some breakfast. I made my way to the swing and just enjoyed the breeze. I moved slowly around the yard, and didn't pick, dig, or spray anything. Actually I didn't even notice something needed to be done. God was moving in my life, just as He promised.

Then Sunday came. This next part is dangerous, especially for those who might be reading and are part of our church. Sunday came, and the peace began to diminish. The pressure mounted. The stillness became busy and crowded. My heart rate increased, and my anxiety resurfaced. What did this mean? What could be happening? Sundays are the day I fulfill my true calling. Or so I thought.

After a series of events over the next few weeks, I began to see clearly that church life had become a source of stress for me that I no longer knew how to manage. I had to admit to myself that the work of ministry was stealing my joy. I could be still in other parts of my life, but the church work still needed to go on, and Satan used this contrast between my rest Monday through Saturday and my stress on Sunday to help me see that I had indeed abandoned my call. I didn't abandon my call by walking away from my call. Instead I abandoned my call by letting other tasks, roles, and responsibilities keep me from focusing fully on my call. Jesus' words to Martha come to mind. He said something like, "Martha, you are worried about many things. Mary has chosen the best thing." Too many things were keeping me from the best thing.

Well now the Lord has me in Tanzania, working with a team from Bayou City Fellowship in Houston, where Caroline serves on the mission staff. We will be equipping pastors of the Maasai people to equip their churches to grow in Christ. Tanzania is a 7-hour time difference from my home which means during most of my waking hours, the rest of my world is sleeping or I am sleeping while they are living their lives. The Lord has been gracious to surround me with some godly folks with a heart for Matthew 28:18-20. He has also been gracious to help me release the stress of church work to focus on my primary calling, to preach the gospel for salvation, to teach the Word for obedience, and to equip the believers for works of ministry. The calling is a simple one, and without all the other "stuff" the calling becomes clear and doable.

We are just beginning the equipping part, so I will see how that progresses. For now, we are at Wild Hope Retreat and Training Center preparing to go deeper into Maasai territory for more intense equipping. Wild Hope Retreat and Training Center has their own front porch, and I am blessed to have had a moment to sit and admire God as I take in His beautiful creation. I am blessed to have had a moment to sit and thank God for answering my prayer to help me be still and know that He is God, even halfway around the world.

When the Door Opens

I’ve been thinking about something lately.

There are moments in life where something shifts, and I don’t always recognize it right away.

It’s not loud.
It’s not dramatic.

But something starts to move.

A door cracks open. A breeze picks up for just a moment. An idea gets shared.

And if I’m not paying attention, I can miss it.

That’s what I keep coming back to in Ezra 6.

The temple finally gets finished.

After delays.
After resistance.
After all the reasons it shouldn’t have happened.

And then there’s this simple line:

“The LORD had turned the heart of the king.” (Ezra 6:22)

That’s it.

No buildup.
No explanation.

Just a quiet reminder that God was working in places no one could see.

I think that’s the part I struggle with.

I want to see it clearly.
I want to know for sure:

“Is this God?”
“Is this the right time?”
“Is this really happening?”

But most of the time, it doesn’t come like that.

It comes subtly—through a conversation, an opportunity, or a nudge I can’t quite explain.

And here’s the tension I feel in that:

It’s possible to recognize that something is happening and still hesitate. That reality scares me.

---

The people in Ezra didn’t get it right the first time.

They had started… and then they stopped.

They hesitated when things got hard.
They stepped back when opposition came.

And it took time—and a word from the Lord—to bring them back to the work.

But when God stirred their hearts again, they stepped in.

---

I wonder how many moments I’ve missed like that.

Moments where God was opening something…
and I stayed where I was because it felt easier.
Or safer.
Or just more familiar.

I have to imagine I’m not the only one who has felt that.

---

I’ve even found myself thinking about that as a father.

As my kids have gotten older, I’ve had moments where I look back and wonder if I recognized everything I should have or if there were times I missed what God was doing right in front of me.

It wasn't because I didn’t care, but because I was busy, or focused on the wrong things, or just didn’t see it clearly at the time.

And not just as a dad—but in ministry too.

These are the moments where God may have been opening something, and I either hesitated or moved past it too quickly.

I don’t sit in that as regret as much as I do awareness because it reminds me that these moments matter—and they don’t always look like what I expect.

And maybe that’s part of the grace in all of this. Grace doesn’t always come easy for me, you know.

But maybe, just maybe, the grace in this is that God continues to open doors even after the ones I didn’t recognize.

Maybe I missed that moment, and maybe God, in His grace, opens another.

---

Here lies my point of curiosity today. 

What do I do when God opens something in front of me?

Do I wait until it’s obvious?

Do I wait until it’s comfortable?

Or do I step in—even if I don’t have everything figured out?

---

I don’t think those moments come around all the time. But when they do,they matter.

---

I've been sitting here on the porch pondering these things.  Trying to pay a little more attention. Trying not to rush past what might matter.

Maybe that’s all this is for now - just slowing down long enough to notice what might be opening right in front of me.

Just a quiet moment on the rocker, a cold water in hand, watching the dogs run and play. Oh, yes… the dogs.

That’s for another time.

Motivated To Work Overtime

Sunday night during our men's group, we talked briefly about changing times, specifically the number of hours required to do certain jobs and what makes a full time work week. The trend today calls for less time in the office, more vacation days, easier work environments, and increased fringe benefits. Most companies call this part of total compensation, and in many cases these extra benefits cost the company very little while providing the employee with a sense of relaxation and time away. My experience tells a different story because the extra time off and easier work environments do nothing to reduce the pressure but rather compress the pressure into smaller time frames. Time off, then, ends up getting spent decompressing in time to return to work refreshed and allowing no time to enjoy family, friends, hobbies, and just being you again.

Trying to squeeze a few moments of relaxation into a busy work week often limits time alone with the Lord in prayer and meditation on His word to small tidbits, or micro-moments. Recently, my doctor informed me that my number one health concern was stress and lack of rest. These two areas, he feels, are causing the other problems my body manifests on a daily basis. He recommended prayer and meditation first. Then he followed that recommendation with exercise and nutrition. I am grateful I found a spiritually minded doctor who was courageous enough to tell me, knowing I serve as a pastor and biblical teacher, that my exercise and nutrition would not help if I did not find more quality time for prayer and meditation. Perhaps, my personal doctor would enjoy Dr. Luke and his biblical writings.

Considering everything happening in the life of our church, I praise God for His glory and His power. He shows up in ways we could never imagine. I also have to pause and consider the unexplained near death experience of an 11 year old boy and the immediate surgery of another young man the same day. I think of the broken marriages and financial strain. I am aware of those living double lives and those who are living single lives very separated from the Lord. I think of all that happens in the lives we live and can't help but consider while we are trying to find ways to work less, one spiritual being works overtime every single day to destroy any good the Lord wants to do in our lives. Who is this overzealous worker, cashing in on every moment he gives to his task? You guessed it! Satan works overtime to destroy us and to steal our joy. Jesus taught us this in John 10:10. "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 

Scripture overflows with examples of Satan's influence in working overtime. He worked while David was at home during a time of war. He worked forty days while Jesus was in the wilderness. He worked during the day and the night to confuse Israel and to make them regret leaving Egypt during their wilderness wanderings. He worked during the night to convince the Pharisees Jesus was the enemy. He still works overtime today. He works during the night as he steals sleep from the weary. He encourages late nights in shady hangouts for those looking for love in all the wrong places (cue Johnny Lee on the Jukebox now). He works during family gatherings and during the peaceful moments of calm as he distracts us from our time alone with God. This evil works in secret, too. 1 Peter 5:8 tells us "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 

Knowing of Satan's interest in working overtime gets me to thinking about the first part of Peter's command in 1 Peter 5:8. "Be sober-minded; be watchful." The apostle reinforces our own need to work overtime in the battle against the enemy. How do we work overtime as physical beings who get tired and need to rest? Scriptures gives us two ways, and one fuels the other. 

Let's start with the physical solution. We need each other. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 teaches, "Two are better than one, for if they fall one can lift the other up again. Again, two lie down together, and will keep each other warm, but how can one keep warm alone?" Galatians 6:2 says, "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." We need each other because we get physically and emotionally tired. Perhaps this support comes to fight the enemy in praying for each other throughout the night at various times of the night or pausing at specific times in the day to pray specifically for a need. Maybe we could support each other by taking one day to have lunch with someone or even a phone call where our full attention goes toward listening, learning, and loving the person on the other side of the table or phone. Maybe we identify the times when Satan works the hardest in order to make sure we are sober minded and alert especially during those times. 

Physically working together to overcome the enemy provides a launching pad for the spiritual battle we are engaged in. Oh, and don't forget Satan is not the only one who works overtime. We serve a risen Savior who always stands on ready to fight for our joy. Take a moment to stop and read Psalm 116 and reflect on God's response to His people. Consider Psalm 34:4 as well. Now read Psalm 121. Our Lord never sleeps, and He will not let our foot slip. He works overtime to fight the battle, and He holds more power than the devil who is a created being under the authority of our God who has always been and always will be.

Ephesians 6:10-20 describes our collaborative efforts in the spiritual battle to remind us that as we fight along with those in our Christian fellowship, we are wearing the armor of and fighting in the battle with the Holy Spirit of God. He works overtime to keep us safe, and He calls us to work overtime, in cooperation with other believers, to keep the fight going.

During these next few weeks we will find time to take moments away from work so we can find ways to be busy at home getting ready to spend time in emotionally charged and physically challenged relationships and activity. Take time to refresh with the Lord and to prepare yourself for the spiritual battle that you are part of each moment. As you find time to work less at your job, find ways to engage more with the Lord. You will never regret the overtime you spend with the Lord!

 Just Minding My Own Business 

Okay. I'll admit it. I don't like it, but it's true. My family points it out regularly, and no matter how hard I try, I struggle to shake it. I know I am a new creation and must move past it. It lurks. It haunts. It paralyzes at times. I confess it, and I know the Lord is faithful to forgive. He also calls me to repent and trust Him. I try, but not hard enough I suppose. (Cue Quincy Jones 1981 Just Once for dramatic effect). I commit myself to overcome, and then the inevitable happens and concretes my irrational thinking. In that moment, I am convinced, in some other world, my name is Murphy. There is a law of nature written in my honor. Yes, I know the saying originated as an engineering principle, but sometimes I wonder if the law was written for me. You know the one. "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong." 

Many of you are too young or too sophisticated to have ever watched Hee Haw. As a child in Mississippi in the 70's Hee Haw was a highlight of my week. Grandpa Jones, Minnie Pearl, Buck Owens, Roy Clark, and many, many more visited our home weekly through the talking box to provide entertainment and laughter for trying times. (Sometimes I miss these shows). During one recurring segment a group of country comedians would sit around with their moonshine jugs, sporting their well worn overalls, and they would sing my theme song. Sometimes I feel like if there was a soundtrack of my life, this sound would be every number on the album. The words went like this:

Gloom, despair, and agony on me. Deep, dark depression, excessive misery. If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. Good, despair and agony on me. 

Here it is for your half time enjoyment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAAKPJEq1Ew

Do I have any current evidence, you might ask? After all, I am pretty good at creating my own trouble. Sin, bad habits, anxiety, busy-ness, and that crazy inner critic create all kinds of chaos in me. What makes me think that bad things just happen because I simply exist.

Cut to stage left for a moment and envision me sitting in a parking lot to make sure my internet connection stays strong on a nice Friday afternoon finishing up a work call . Now watch closely. Notice the black Toyota Tacoma backing out of her parking spot with plenty of room to maneuver. Grab the popcorn because here it comes. As she continues to back out she begins to turn ever so slightly and just at the wrong moment. Hold tight. Brace yourself. There it is!! CRASH. She hit the rear passenger bumper of my car and caught her bumper on the edge of the taillight before proceeding to move forward to finish off what she started. She didn't mean to do it. Distraction. A long day at work. A lifted truck. Who knows all the factors that went into this moment in time. All I know is I was sitting innocently in my car trying to finish an honest day's work when out of nowhere my whole Friday turned to a crunch. Like I said, if it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. 

I sighed. I exited my vehicle. I tried to calm the nerves of the young and impressionable 20 year old who interrupted my day. I was kind and understanding. We called the sheriff, and the deputy came promptly. All was settled, and I was on my way. It was a moment in time that will fade away. I have to confess, however, it did have me asking, "Lord, what are you wanting me to learn here? What was I doing wrong? What am I not hearing?" 

As I have contemplated these thoughts, the Holy Spirit has taken the opportunity to remind me that I don't deserve any fabulous life free from interruptions or inconvenience. He also reminded me that yes indeed there are plenty of times I create my own mess. Then, He gently reminded me that sometimes life just happens, and it doesn't always go my way. Maybe it even rarely goes my way. But life really isn't about my way, now is it? Life is about God's way and conforming me into the image of His Son. 

Lately I have had moments where I was minding my own business, and chaos happened. For me, usually this happens on a Sunday morning when Satan knows I am most vulnerable. I feel the pain of people's sorrow and the responsibility to deliver a word of Truth. I sense the vulnerability of those I care for and the need to create a safe space for each one of them. I go into every Sunday with the intention of loving the people completely and serving the Lord wholeheartedly. Then, from around the corner, Satan throws a curve ball. Someone confronts me in what I view as an attack. Another discounts someone's feelings, and the emotion ends up at my feet. Details I thought were handled fall apart (or never materialize). The chaos ensues no matter how hard I have tried to make sure everything is in place. Just right. Settled. Ready for a calm morning of revival.

In these moments I don't always respond well. I wish I did, but I just don't. I pray the Lord will change me. The inner chaos I carry over from the week bubbles up, and the current situation becomes more significant than it really might me. I am minding my own business .... and the Lord has reminded me that could be the problem. It's not my business to mind. It's His business. He is in control. He is training me for righteous living. He holds the keys to victory and peace. His business. Not mine.

I wonder now that I have taken a pause, if the slight bump from a black Toyota Tacoma was part of God's plan to remind me to relax. I didn't get upset - only mildly stressed. After all, it's just a car. Maybe this moment serves as a reminder that whatever comes my way can be handled when I keep it in perspective. Folks are growing in Christ. People are engaging in the Word of God. Small groups are digging into the Bible and asking hard questions. People are being baptized. The rest? Just a small fender bender in the parking lot, easily fixed, and not as bad as it first appeared.

I am trying to get to the root of my struggle. I see that the calm I desire is in conflict with the chaos of my life. I have created much of that chaos. Jesus can redeem the chaos, just as He has redeemed my old nature and made me new. 

Psalm 46:10 challenges me to "Be still, and know that I am God." Oh, Lord, teach me to be still.

WHEN THE WATER DOESN’T FLOW: A REFLECTION ON GRACE, GROWTH, AND CLOGGED PIPES

Recent developments and an increased desire for authenticity prompted me to revisit Pooh Corner from the view of the porch of my life. Three years ago we actually moved into a house with a front porch so how about that?!? I begin this journey again with some fear but also with hope. As many of you know trust doesn't come easily, but at my age, who knows how many more years I've really got. I might as well let transparency become a new theme.

Shortly after we moved into our new home, our septic system failed. I feel confident I don't need to explain how we knew the system failed, but if so I would encourage you to simply use your imagination. Just don't sit there too long. (Pun intended) We could not find the source of the problem at first, but a reliable and persistent plumber eventually uncovered the cause and offered a solution. We needed an additional pump out back to push some of the more substantive waste further through the pipes. Liquid seemed to move fine, but since we tend to produce more than liquid waste we took his proposal and installed a smaller pump outside the bathroom to handle the problem. The solution worked. 

Abrupt thought shift alert that will come back around: 

David and I left town today on a journey to Mississippi State. We will experience basketball and then baseball together. Yes, he chose to remain for Saturday and enjoy a football game, although for the life of my I can't understand why. Attending Mississippi State baseball brings on so many emotions that my Whoop tells me "Hey dude, High Stress Zone." Maybe I'll unpack the reasons for that stress later, but in the meantime I am looking forward to enjoying the Diamond Dawg Classic with David. He loves it! 

On the way out of town we stopped by the church building where I serve as pastor, and a conversation with a trusted friend got me to thinking that I need to figure out what might be causing me to have some of my own clogged pipes. (Did you follow my thinking - if so that might be scary) I'm not talking about physical pipes in my body so don't worry about having to read some description of my recent gastrointestinal mechanisms. Instead, I'm talking about spiritual pipes. You see, sometimes it feels like my life is like a house with good plumbing overall but some minor issues here and there. The water source is strong, the foundation is solid, and in most places, the water runs clear and life-giving. But in a few lines, something slows the flow. You can sense it. The pressure changes, the rhythm shifts, and you know something’s clogging the line, even if you can’t yet see what or where. 

That’s where I’ve found myself lately. I noticed it several months ago and thought my plans to work it out would prove effective. Then, others began to notice, and that's what my good friend today as well as another last week, plus my family in general called out. The me I know keeps hiding somewhere for some reason, and others wonder what might be happening in Pooh corner. Thus, the journey back here. Maybe you would also enjoy the movie Christopher Robin to better understand the connection. 

Back to my pipes. I hold awareness that the Spirit’s water is still running in my life, but not as freely in a few places. I can’t yet identify the source, and I’m open to the possibility that part of it may be completely in me. Honestly, sometimes that thought brings anxiety back into my life, because I sense the clog could be something I can’t fix on my own.

When that tension rises, it sometimes comes out as frustration or even anger. And I know that, from the outside, that can seem hypocritical or unpastoral and unchristian. I don’t take that lightly. I want to be transparent here. I am confessing that inconsistency and expression to the Lord and working with Him to manage those responses in real time — learning to pause, to listen, and to let His Spirit calm what my heart wants to fix too quickly. These moments are reminders that undershepherds are still sheep too, finding ourselves still learning, still growing, still dependent on grace.

The good news is that the foundation is solid, and the water source, the Spirit of God, never fails or dries up. We’re not dealing with a broken house but just a few pipes that need attention. And I’m learning that attending to them doesn’t mean forcing a fix; it means slowing down, staying humble, and trusting God to reveal what He sees in His time.

So I’m paying attention. I’m praying. And I’m asking the Lord to clear what’s clogged, in me and in us, so that the water of His grace can move freely again, bringing renewed unity, health, and fruit for Christ.

If you’ve ever found yourself feeling that same mixture of longing and frustration, take heart. The flow may slow, but the Source is still strong. And grace has a way of finding its way through.

From My Heart

I share this because I believe transparency invites grace. I also share this with some fear. Trust does not come easily for me, and past relational hurt screams for me to stop typing and definitely do not post. I am choosing grace and authenticity with the hope that my friends and family sees me as one fully and not just as the me I try to portray. 

Even when my tone feels heavy or my expression seems sharp, what’s beneath it is care and a deep burden of responsibility. Beneath what could be a strong and maybe rough exterior lies a longing for God’s best, not control; for life, not pressure. My prayer is simple: that I will walk with others in humility and love, trusting the Lord to clear what only He can, and letting His living water run freely through every part of my life.

If anything in this reflection stirs a question or concern, please know I’m open to conversation. I welcome it actually, with the same grace and compassion I hope to offer, and the same grace and compassion I also need to receive.

For Righteousness

Have you ever wondered why the cook seldom comes to the table as hungry as everyone else? One day it dawned on me watching my Mamaw cook and then sit down to a meal. She never seemed to be as hungry as others gathered around the table, and on this particular day, I realized the reason for this crazy situation. Mamaw nibbled a lot while she cooked, tasting and seasoning, and of course, stirring. All of her nibbling made her almost full well before the true meal began. As a result, her food began to settle as she ate smaller portions. Then, when everyone else was filled with the plentiful feast, she was ready for a healthy portion of dessert. Others, just a small piece. Now I know the truth. The reason she was always ready for dessert immediately following the meal is because the main part of her meal happened an hour or so before.

I'm like Mamaw when it comes to my spiritual life. I do a lot of nibbling. A podcast here and there. A 20 minute message. A challenging quote. A quiet time rushing me into my day. I wonder if you nibble as well.

Jesus said, "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied" (Mathew 5:6). Hungering and thirsting for right standing with God paints quite a different picture from the nibbling that simply tides us over to the next snack. Too often, my commitment to a right standing with God is like deciding to get healthy and quit eating ice cream. I do it for a while, but then I start to miss the ice cream. I know that the spare tire around my middle won't go away without discipline, yet the allure of Gold Medal Ribbon, Rocky Road, or a Spanish Sundae pulls with greater intensity the more I resolve to stay away.

Satan knows just how to get us full before we are satisfied. He soothes our hunger with relationships, with reading posts on social media, with random quotes and devotions that pop up from time to time. He fuels our hunger with politics, with press, with piety, and with petty arguments. In the end, we settle for tidbits of God rather than transformation from God. Or at least I do. Do you? Satan is a professional when it comes to tricking our spiritual hunger into feeling satisfied by the nibbling, tasting, and stirring that happens occasionally in our lives. We think that because we got small pieces of something healthy we must be well nourished. Jesus disagrees, and I desperately want to be on His side of spiritual health.

Sunday in our worship gathering we talked about three keys to being satisfied, and this week I am trying to meditate on those and consider how to make them more of a reality in my life. The three keys were

1. Satisfy desire with substance - stop nibbling, and dig into the main dish - the living and active Word of God.

2. Seek perfection over pleasure - stop reading posts and press for agreement - instead look deep into the word for challenges to our current way of thinking - generational sin and biased can be changed if we will open our minds to what the Spirit teaches from His Truth.

3. Season truth with love - Spices make foods a lot more palatable - who eats a plain potato and really enjoys it? The seasoning of love can make truth more palatable to the world around us. Truth is essential for health, and love is essential for hearing. I pray that I will cease being bland and instead will be a pleasing tasting of Christ to those around me.

Blessed - satisfied - those words sound ever so sweet. Are they possible? Jesus offers a resounding "YES." Hunger and thirst after righteousness, and you will be both blessed and satisfied. Amen.

Eighteen

In case you are wondering, none of the tricks actually work. No matter how hard you try you will never be able to stop time. Of course, during this quarantine for COVID 19 we may all feel that time has come to a grinding halt, but with all of the cancellations COVD 19 has brought our way, the one cancellation I was hoping for pressed on and pressed hard. Today marks the day when the world became a better place for me and for many others. May 29, 2002, my precious Caroline Donnelle Permenter entered the world with a heart of independence and passion. Oh how I thought I could hold onto every moment, while all along the moments were slipping by.

New born became preschool which became elementary school which became middle school which became high school which now will become college. Why are our lives marked by the educational levels we have reached and surpassed? We have pictures to remind us of school plays, of dances (my daughter is the most beautiful dancer you will ever see, by the way - and of course, I am not biased), of sporting events, of birthday parties, of proms, and of so much more. Photographs fail to grasp the most important part of humanity and more specifically the most important part of my princess.

Deep beyond the shutter, the flash, the negatives (for those who are older) and deep beyond the three cameras of the latest iPhone (for those who are quite a bit younger), a daring and brave little girl waits for the next chapter of her life. Deep behind the smile, a caring and brave young woman anticipates all the future holds. Deep, deep in her soul, one blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places reaches forward to embrace life to the fullest.

Because of Caroline's life, friends have been encouraged. Because of her life, a little brother has been protected. Because of her life, an older brother has learned to deal with various emotions (which will aid him greatly as he enters marriage in a few months.) Because of Caroline, younger girls have grown deeper in their walk with Christ and Christian leaders have been challenged to be true to their own teachings. Because of Caroline some children who are victims of trauma will have a caring advocate working to help them recover and rebound. Because of Caroline I have seen the value in taking an honest look at life and doing the hard work to change a trajectory heading toward destruction. Because of Caroline I have seen what a Christ follower with a bold tenderness can do in a world that rejects you more times than you might prefer. When I write "because of Caroline," I am thinking "because of Christ in Caroline" because when I take time to stop and consider who she really is, I see Jesus - and more than anything seeing Jesus in her makes me smile.

I have a playlist on my phone entitled "Caroline." The time I lost with her during a trying part of our family's history provides the context for the playlist. As the songs resonate in my inner being, I am challenged to take every moment and ask "What now?" No one can change the past, but we can certainly adjust the future. Two songs on the playlist are Cinderella by Stephen Curtis Chapman and My Wish by Rascal Flatts. Caroline and I used to dance together to Cinderella, and My Wish reflects much of what I hope for her moving forward. What is my wish for Cinderella? My wish is that midnight would never come. My wish is that she would know deep in her soul that she is a princess no matter what the world may tell her. My wish is that she would embrace her belonging in the world, with her friends, in her church, in life. My wish is that the evil of so called high school friends would make her stronger and more discerning. My wish is that any pain I have caused from the mistakes of figuring out life after my own trauma will diminish and blossom into a beautiful rose. My wish is that above all Caroline will love the Lord her God with all her heart, soul, mind, and strength, and that she will love her neighbor as herself. What a blessing the Lord gave me 18 years ago to participate in the life of this dynamic, distinct, deep spirited, dearly loved lady.

Happy Birthday Caroline.

If I Have To Be Lonely

For some reason a common theme surfaces early in the morning when I am able to sit a while and mediatate on the goodness and mercy of the Lord in my life. Relishing His presence, I long for deeper and more meaningful time with Him. As the sun rises and the birds begin their chorus, the stillness of the moment hangs in the balance. Soon life will begin and chaos will likely storm into the moment. Chaos refuses to carry a pattern. Any disruption to solitude can be chaos. Even pleasant disruptions break the calm, and in an instant, chaos, whether managed chaos, organized chaos, or hot mess chaos forces the quiet away until another time. The calm hides while the chaos hurries in, and the common theme hunts for a bridge between the two. Folks I hear from feel it. Articles are being written about it. COVID 19 has made the subject even more popular. Some seek help, and others send messages. Some choose to avoid the feeling with substance or suicide. Both are happening in greater numbers lately. The emotional pandemic fights against discrimination and affects families and individuals from all walks of life. Economic status? No discrimination. Race? No discrimination? Religious background? None here either. Christ follower or not? Nope, the pandemic doesn’t discriminate even at that deepest level.

Loneliness invades our being and does things to our emotions and bodies that even the best psychologists are still trying to understand. While scientists work to understand the various effects of a virus, loneliness travels deeper and deeper into our core and wins battle after battle in a world where many are forced by fear or caution or sickness or compassion to be alone. The lonely know a secret about the virus. Loneliness can be asymptomatic at times. In a crowded grocery store, a jammed theme park, a full worship gathering, a classroom, or a senior prom people are infected without others knowing it. Loneliness doesn’t pass from person to person in the same form it holds within us. Usually loneliness passes to others as anger, bitterness, harshness, aloofness, shyness, quietness, or any other “ness” you can think of. Loneliness remains, often, undiagnosed because it is so well disguised.

Reba McEntire (you knew she had to surface again at some point, right?) sings a song with this lyric, “If I have to be lonely, I’d rather be lonely alone.” Most who suffer from this emotional weight agree with her statement. Being lonely in a crowd intensifies the pain. Better to be alone and have a reason for the feeling than surrounded by activity and beat yourself up about why you can’t seem to enjoy the moment, right?

During my time with the Lord this morning, I was reading one of Max Lucado’s books, Traveling Light. As he always does, he brought Psalm 23 to life. One part in particular he focused on was “for you are with me.” That’s when he talked about loneliness, and the Lord reminded me that as a Christ follower I am never really alone. Perhaps I feel alone. Maybe physically I am alone. With the Holy Spirit, though, I am never really alone. Now that truth doesn’t always make everything okay. Don’t be tricked into more shame for not being able to “snap out of it” just because some author reminds you of God’s presence. Likely, you already knew in your mind that God is always with His children. What we know in our minds does not always connect with what we feel in our souls. What the truth does, however, is point us to a raft. Perhaps it’s a tiny, poorly built raft, but the raft floats. It’s a little far on the ocean of our pain, but if we can just draw from His strength for a moment perhaps we can get to the raft. Give it a try. Breathe deep and make some movement. It can be like treading water at first. If that is all you can muster, then tread like never before. Treading will keep your head above water. Now begin to move forward. No need to go too fast. We aren’t swimming in the Olympics here. We are just swimming to survive. Once you get to the raft, hold on. No need to climb yet. Baby steps. Now climb on. The raft reminds me of the cross. Jesus gave His life on a rugged (not so tiny and unfortunately very well built) cross so we could have something to see in the middle of our loneliness that could bring us hope. Where will the raft take us? Likely somewhere different for each of us, so at this point the blog becomes yours. How does your story continue? Maybe take a minute and journal some thoughts about your loneliness, your raft, and the rest of your journey.

I’m on my raft. I see some others. Paddling along moving somewhere. Anywhere. Do you see others? Alone, but also together. Working to get to the arms of Jesus and suddenly realizing that we aren’t the ones paddling the raft. His arms are doing the work for us. Be encouraged today.

Thrown In

Rarely in our lives do we have the chance to watch history unfold and to recognize that we are part of something that will change the world forever. Sometimes we live in the moment and later come to understand the impact of the experience on society. Other times the dramatic impact slows down the pace of life and forces us to stop and consider what the future will hold. We are living in one of those times now as the year 2020 enlightens us with a reminder that we are not in control of much in this world. As human beings, we boast of our intelligence and our might. We live in the worlds we have made and convince ourselves that we are in charge. This COVID 19 crisis requires us, however, to embrace a new way of thinking and to adapt to a new way of living. How we choose to respond will in large part determine the quality of our lives moving forward. What will we do? Will we resist the pull of the future or will we jump in and engage with what lies ahead?

John 21 gives life to an experience that some men had thousands of years ago after they experienced an event that would change the world forever. The death and resurrection of Jesus brought their world to a screeching halt, and they spent time considering what their future would hold. These men found themselves pondering whether they would embrace a new way of thinking and adapt to a new way of living or if they would, rather, resist the pull of the Holy Spirit in their lives into a whole new world.

Seven of the remaining eleven disciples decided to go fishing for the day, and like many fishing excursions, they caught nothing. As they were about ready to give up, a man called out to them from the seashore, inquiring about their catch. As they relayed their sad story, the man suggested that they cast their net on the right side of the boat. They did so, and a miraculous load of fish filled their nets. John realized the man was not just any man, but instead, they were seeing Jesus for the third time since his resurrection. He looked to Peter, and he said, "It is the Lord." The narrative reveals that Peter immediately threw himself into the water to get to Jesus. He jumped all in, embracing the future like never before.

Many interesting thoughts surface as I read this chapter. Questions like, "what is the significance of Jesus' third appearance to them?" Raised after three days. Peter's third denial before the rooster crowed. Questions like, "what prompted them to go fishing this day?" Just looking for something to do. Going back to the comfort of the familiar. Another interesting thought circles my mind when I visualize Peter throwing himself into the water. Rash behavior characterized Peter's life from the little we read of him in the gospels. His boldness often got him into hot water, but this time he literally chose to dive in.

When Jesus called Peter to follow him, Peter threw himself into the miracles and the mystery of Christ. Peter's experience with Jesus opened his eyes to a world he had never known before. A relationship with God filled with more than religion captured his heart, and he found himself following with reckless abandon. When soldiers arrested Jesus, Peter threw himself into a mess of confusion, at times fighting back while at other times running away. This day on the sea introduced a new opportunity for Peter. This time he threw himself into the mercy of Jesus. For the first time since his denial, Peter would spend significant time with Jesus over a meal. The other appearances allowed the disciples to see Jesus alive, but this appearance would allow them to see Jesus live - and would allow them to decide if they would live with him or without him. Peter threw himself into the mercy of Jesus not knowing what the future would hold. Seemingly, he decided the only hope he had was Mercy, and if there was no Mercy from Jesus there would be no meaning for his life.

How is your time alone panning out? Are you anxious or restless? Have you filled your days with virtual work and extended your hours into the evening? Eating more and exercising less? Have you taken the time yet to stop and to reflect on Jesus? This COVID induced retreat allows us to ask ourselves some challenging questions about our walk with the Lord. What have we thrown ourselves into? Miracles, mystery, mess? Or Mercy? Could I invite you to consider along with me using this next week to bathe in the Mercy of Christ? At this point we all could use His Mercy. At this point we all could share His Mercy.

The nets are empty. Loneliness, job loss, financial stress, health issues. Empty. Listen ..... "Cast your night on the right side ...... that's where you will find Mercy." Overwhelming mercy fills the net. "It is the Lord!" Will you throw yourself into the water and swim to the feet of Jesus?

The Heart Of Worship

Do you remember the song, Heart Of Worship? It first appeared on the worship scene late 1990's and early 2000's. Maybe you've never heard the song at all. If you are interested in listening, click on this link. The song takes us into a reflective moment of what worship truly means. Romans 12:1-2 come to mind.

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

A contemporary worship service introduced me to the song, Heart of Worship. Lights, cameras, and staging surrounded the band, and as they went from upbeat sounds into this thoughtful tune, the lights dimmed to prepare our senses for what would come next. A quiet space encompassed the crowd as coffee cups settled nicely onto the floor. Hands began to be raised as voices lifted words of praise and affirmation to the God of Creation that our worship was really about nothing other than being in His presence. Pure intent tells me the song was meant to create a movement among God's people of focusing more on the Creator than the created environment in the room at any given moment. What happened?

History certainly repeats itself, and the historical struggle in the church over worship provides another example of the cycle. Over the last twenty years, we as God's people have been blessed with worship music, creative arts, and powerful messages that engage our minds, our bodies, our emotions, and sometimes our souls. Crowds gather regularly to connect with one another, to join in singing, and to hear challenging teaching from God's word. Or at least they used to gather. That was before COVID 19. The way things used to be. One generation's story to tell a new generation. A front porch pondering as folks remember what it was like "in the good ol' days." Large buildings turned into convention centers or museums much like we see when we travel to Europe - or when we used to travel to Europe. We are at a moment in time that will be a pivot point, a reference point, a new chapter in the virtual school books of the future.

Could the introduction of the song Heart of Worship during another pivotal time in history (Y2K) have been a prophetic foreshadowing or even a warning that we as Christ followers desperately need to connect with the Holy Spirit on more than a physical and emotional level? Could the Spirit have been calling us into a deeper relationship with Him that we somehow missed? Instead of letting the music fade and all be stripped away, we created flashier sets, bought more lights, tuned more instruments, added more flair. Instead of bringing messages from God's word that helped us grow deeper, we filled the space with words about happy marriages, fulfilling our dreams, fighting against society's evil. What if we heard the call for a more intimate relationship with Christ and have settled for a pornographic mockery of what it really means to worship Him?

Our time at home during this pandemic and economic shutdown challenges our belief system. John 20:24-29 tells the story of Thomas wanting his own experience with Jesus. He refused to settle for the experience of his friends. Jesus received Thomas and allowed him into his personal space. Oh I long to be in Jesus' personal space. From posts on social media and comments in other places, many in the body of Christ are waiting for the gatherings to resume before engaging with the Spirit. Many spiritual journeys are on hold. What could happen if the Lord allowed this shutdown to continue until He got our attention? What if gatherings were closed until we realized that worship is not about where we gather or who we are with? What if the music, the media, and the messages are more of a distraction than a help? What if the Lord is wanting to speak into our hearts and is trying desperately to get into our lives through the noise? What if we lived in a place where worship gatherings were always prohibited? Are we only able to worship because we were born in a free country? Would we be able to know God if we lived in Asia or the Middle East where the noise would invite possible death?

Working from home, schooling from home, and finding ways to occupy our time during this stay at home part of our lives does not always mean quiet time. We still may have to work to find time to be still. Now is the time. Revival and renewal can start today right where you are in your chair, on your porch, by your pool, in your yard - wherever you are. If we would pour ourselves into being living sacrifice and meet the Lord in a personal way without the distraction of everything else around us, revival would begin. And then what if your neighbor did the same thing? And then her neighbor? And then his neighbor? Now it's your neighborhood. Then your community. Then your church even in various places. Perhaps this time in history can become known as the Bug That Brushed Casual Christianity to the Curb.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV)

Blessings

Several years ago, Laura Story recorded a song called Blessings. Feel free to take a moment and click on the word "Blessings" to hear the song again. The chorus resonates in my heart. 

'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
Parenting discovered me unprepared for the task ahead. Ideal dreams and hopes for what family could be like were much like The Andy Griffith Show and The Waltons. When we would watch these shows as a family, I would wonder how Andy captivated Opie to the point of doing his chores willingly. I would ponder how the Walton children could have so little and embrace life so wildly. Now that I'm older I realize that scripting, directing, and television salaries contributed to much (ok, to all) of the world we entered as Mayberry burst into our home and as Walton's Mountain beckoned us to a quieter time. 

We used to partner alongside other parents and study the lessons of James Dobson, Chip Ingram, Ted Tripp, and The Rethink Group to train us to be better parents, engaged in our kids live, and teaching them to love the Lord with all their heart, their soul, their mind, and their strength. We had big plans that somehow never played out as well in our family room as they seemed to play out on screen.

Insert COVID 19 into our lives a few weeks ago. Everyone gathered at home leaving middle school, high school, and college behind. Online classes became the new norm. Virtual teaching took the place of the kitchen table, and virtual coaching with business planning dominated my home office. Life got very interesting very quickly. 

One of the blessings of living in Florida during this time of Stay at Home orders commands our attention. Sunny weather, warm temperatures, and steady breezes paint the day and find a way to help us relax outside for what often becomes extended moments in time. Our back porch has become our new place for meals, and in addition to some other ideas we have instituted, we have shared practically every meal together as a family for the last several weeks. Talking to one another has become comfortable again. Sharing about our time with the Lord has become encouraging and challenging. Laughing together, watching someone's favorite movie, and talking about what we are learning during this time highlight blessings that we somehow had forgotten. How often had I taught and been taught that having family meals around the table was paramount to a healthy family? How many times had we actually made that lesson a reality - until now. Until a tiny bug sent everyone home and pushed us to do what we should have been doing all along. Connecting with each other about things that matter. Eating together. Relaxing. Celebrating that the "trials of this life" may really be just "mercies in disguise" after all.

Solo

Names of friends surfaced in our household over the last few days. Our family seized the opportunity life thrust us into recently as we adopted new practices of sharing meals together outside on the porch, watching favorite movies, working on projects together, exercising together, walking the dog together. These engagements opened space in our minds for conversations about folks in our lives who are special for many reasons. This unique frame of our lives sparks moments of nostalgia and longing for those we miss seeing and talking with, even when we may not have realized we missed the same people long before the rules of social distancing became the new normal.

Among the friends who came to mind, some are with family and some are alone. Being alone comes in many forms, as we all know. Some are alone in a crowded room. Others are alone by choice. Still others are alone by life's pattern of giving and taking away. The ones alone because of life's pattern come to mind more often during these days as we talk about the need to connect with those around us and the importance of getting to know the family in the walls of our homes. For many the stay at home orders quickly become a solitary confinement filled with empty days and meaningless racket from a square talking box in the center of our living spaces.

This morning during my time alone with the Lord, the word "solo" came to mind. Memories of my daughter singing rushed back with tremendous enthusiasm, bringing a smile to my face and to my spirit. The innocence and beauty of her voice resonated in my being for a time as the Lord reminded me of the blessings He so graciously gives as well as the lessons He so eagerly teaches. Caroline enjoys sitting at the piano to play and sing songs of worship to God. As she finds the tune with her fingers, her heart fills the room with melody. She could sing for hours in her world with the Lord and the piano or her ukulele. The accompaniment enhances and strengthens what is already a brilliant display of God's grace and mercy in her life.

I wonder if those who are living solo during this time will find their accompaniment. Volunteering at a food bank or counseling center, reading in a local school, quilting with friends, serving foster families accompanied many lives prior to the last few weeks and even the last few days. Listen carefully to notice the quiet that the lack of instrumentation brings. The soloist still sings, but the singing has become a capella. Where will the voice find a chorus to lift her? Where will the music find a chariot to carry him? What accompaniment will surface? Will the soloist become more comfortable alone?

In Psalm 63, David wrote about his time in the wilderness. He painted a verbal portrait of longing and seeking. His thirsty soul praised God based on the Lord's steadfast love. He sang out of the abundance of his soul from time spent with God, and he celebrated in praise from beneath the shadow of God's wing. From our knowledge of David, we could surmise that during these times David used a harp to aid his praise. Even in the wilderness David had his accompaniment. Would you take time now to pour over Psalm 63 asking the Lord to speak to you in some way with truth you can hold onto?

For me, the Lord whispered a couple of insights. Your insights possibly differ greatly from mine. The Spirit helped me see from this passage that the Lord himself can be the accompaniment of our lives when we "meditate on [Him] in the watches of the night; ..." and "cling to [Him]". Many who are living solo find deeper and more intimate ways to commune with the Creator as they meditate on and cling to Him. The second insight the Lord offered reminded me that even from a distance we can assist those who are living solo with accompaniment in their lives. This time could be the perfect time to sponsor a child from another place together through an organization like www.onemorechild.org. Work together with someone to change someone's life forever. Facetime with someone who lives alone. Sing together. Laugh together. Tell stories. Read a chapter from a new book together. Send a letter. Do a bible study. Families can connect from a distance with those who have given their lives to help others yet are now learning new ways to offer their worship and praise to the Father.

What did the Lord share with you from Psalm 63? Consider writing the thoughts down. Even better, consider reaching out to someone who might need some fresh accompaniment in his or her life. New life music birthed during this time offers excitement and richness that we often miss when the accompaniment comes too easy. Let's be artists for each other and see what the Lord provides.

Why Haven't I Heard From You

Some of you recognized it immediately. It's an old Reba song, not a lament as to why you haven't called or written. Actually people seem to be working to keep in touch now better than before. If you haven't heard the song in a while (or ever, however horrific that might be) could I suggest you give it a watch on this world class video link? https://youtu.be/-d7vAbKTmus

I could humor myself for a moment and pretend that everyone took time to listen and watch the Queen of Country Music. Instead I will simply continue .... Deep Sigh ....


Our world has entered a new era. A time of reprioritizing and refocusing. More people are taking walks. More people are looking for creative things to do at home with people who live in the same home, but are rarely together. We can look at our current situation through many lenses. One lens I have been considering this morning brings clarity to what I have longed for in our family. Time to really be together and to learn how to interact in ways that bond us rather than break us. Activity and assignments often give us a false sense of togetherness while at the same time blocking the deeper intimacy that we are created to experience.

Social distancing has forced us into our homes and has created chaos for many. What if we looked at the situation differently? What if, instead of being forced into our homes, we see this opportunity as a gift to connect with those we say are most important to us? Granted, some in our society are fearful of being home because of abuse and other poor living conditions. I pray for safety for the battered spouse, the abused child, the neglected parent. We have to find a way to intervene in those situations, as well. For a majority of us, though, our biggest challenge surfaces when we realize that we have connected physically through hugs, roughhousing, and sitting on the couch watching a movie as much as we possibly can stand. We have connected emotionally through tears and/or outbursts of anger. What do we have left? What we are faced with is moving into the part of our being activity and assignment allow us to ignore in our daily walking around with each other.

Each of us has an inner spirit that longs to be known. At some point in our younger lives our spirits get wounded, and when that happens the rest of our being finds ways to adjust and to adapt. Our physical reactions and emotional responses build walls around our spiritual core that keep everything safe. What will happen if we don't find a way to live in these small group family units at a deeper level once we have exhausted the routine relational rodeo of our previous daily existence? Some will self destruct. Others will separate into deeper shells. Many will surrender to depression and anxiety. Who among us will accept the challenge to go deeper with one another? What if our inner spirits are crying out "why haven't I heard from you"? The journey won't be an easy one. We will need each other to make it through. Community and support will look different, but connections are still possible.

I'm hoping that this week our family can embrace the now and swim in deeper water. I pray that we can answer the question that our spirits ask of us as individuals and of each other. "Why haven't I heard from you?" This deeper spiritual place is the place of peace that makes up our core being. Why leave that space in our lives untapped when we are living in a world that has made it acceptable to be still?

I hope you will join me tomorrow at this same place. I was reading this morning and found some other insights that were helpful to me about other spiritual connections. What if April showers (the time of our continued social distancing) could really bring May flowers (the result of our inner efforts during these next thirty days).

Shelter

In my home office, I have a painting of the Hundred Acre Wood. For Christopher Robin and friends, the Hundred Acre Wood provided a safe place for adventure and relationship. A new world opened for Christopher Robin as he left the cruel, lonely, grown up world and entered into a relational calm filled with life, love, and laughter.

As a child I would sometimes build tents in my home with blankets over tables and chairs. This tent served as my version of your treehouse, or your clubhouse, or your bedroom. A shelter to think in, to dream in, to live in, even if just for a few brief moments in time. Because the tent was not a permanent structure and had to be put away a few hours after construction, I learned to find another shelter to shield me from the world around me. At an early age, I built a shelter in my own mental and emotional world where I could experience a life that made sense to me when the life around me seemed to be spiraling out of control. This inner shelter soon became an outer shield where I lived much of my life in two worlds. Behaving and talking and performing in the physical world became common place for me as I lived and breathed another existence under the hard shell I crafted to keep my true self from exposure.

The new era of COVID-19 has forced many into their own shells. Six foot distancing, stay at home orders, lack of medical supplies, suspicion over a neighbor's cough. All of these have created communities that are behaving, talking, and performing in the physical world, yet living and breathing another existence trying to adjust to a new normal. We fill our shelters with physical supplies that will far outlast the crisis. We find ways to connect with one another via chat rooms and online communities. We use screens to hide ourselves from family members that we are now forced to spend time with in close quarters. Shelter pulls at us while reminding us that having a place of protection from the outside world remains a basic human need.

Psalm 91:1 says, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty." The reference leads us to a spiritual shelter where we find hope, peace, comfort, love, and security. We struggle to find the shelter because the journey of our lives has taken us other places far from our spiritual anchor. We each possess a spiritual place where we can be one with our Creator. Physical and emotional experiences steal the keys that lock the spiritual self away to keep us from getting into the depths that God has provided for us as a safe shelter. Physical trauma and emotional trauma come in many forms. I would encourage you to research where trauma comes from and broaden your mind to the ways the enemy twists our lives to prevent us from knowing solitude and peace.

This week has been a week of adjustment for our family, and I am sure that the week has been one of adjustment for you. Everyone is home now, and we are figuring it out. We could choose to retreat into our worlds or we could choose to let our worlds collide into new adventures and journeys that will keep us connected for years to come. Even as we find ways to interact and know one another, we still must find our shelter, our safe place, our version of the Hundred Acre Wood. We can go for a moment and relax, laugh, live, but we can't stay there. Somehow these worlds have to collide, too. Somehow we have to find a way to break through the physical and emotional mess that is keeping our spiritual selves locked away. Meditation can help. Music can help. Reading can help. Resting can help. Recreation can help. All of these tools are useful, and for me these tools, guided by the power of God's Spirit, can help me find the security I need to bring all of my worlds - as messy as they may be - into focus. Will you join me on the journey? Let's make these next few days and maybe weeks the most significant weeks of our lives. Don't let a small virus destroy your inner being. Society may struggle and possibly crumble. Who knows? I do know this for sure from my own experience with working through personal trauma. "... Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes with the morning." (Psalm 30:5, ESV).

https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Heart-Wounded-Heal-Stories-Survival/dp/0757319815

When the Led Becomes the Leader

For many folks, these last few weeks have become a whirlwind of emotion and stress. Not too long ago, we were planning for events and experiences that would propel us into new stages of our lives. Weddings, graduations, careers, tournaments, competitions, and other parts of our culture that have become commonplace. Today we live in a different world, at least for a time. We live in a world of waiting and wonder. The latest news update from the president or the governor bursts forth from our schedule as we listen intently to see how wide the virus has spread and what new limitations force us to get to know the people who are closest to us in ways that we might never have considered before.

Businesses are scrambling to know how best to support employees during this time. Churches are searching for new ways to keep a community of people together when physical distancing is becoming more normal. Therapists are scheduling more patients even doing so remotely because the fear grips at the very core of our being. Through this new medical war we are learning a lot about who we are as people and about what motivates us to do what we do.

This past Sunday morning I woke up at 3 am hoping that the worship service we had planned for our church was completely posted to the internet. People were anxious about not gathering together and wanted some gathering point even if the gathering point was online. It took about forty five seconds for me to walk down the hall to learn that my hope was not reality. The worship service had not posted. The file was too large. Now these are not issues I am used to or equipped to handle. Stress set in quickly. Failure screamed in my head. Disappointment criticized me by telling me that yet again I was letting everyone down. Control stabbed me and forced me to find a way to fix it all in just a few short hours. No matter how hard I tried, I failed at every attempt. I turned to the Lord and prayed that He would demonstrate His power over technology by making things work. He didn't choose to respond according to my desire.

By 11:00 am the avalanche of all my past was crashing around me internally. I desperately tried to hide it. Frustration mounted around me so the only thing I knew to do was to pretend that everything was okay. I had posted a link on our website to Gateway Baptist Church in Irmo, South Carolina. A close friend of mine leads worship at Gateway, and I knew that if friends and family would find that link, his pastor's heart would pour out through music to minister to them and bring them to the throne of God. What I discounted was how the Lord would use Jeremy's heart for leading God's people to remind me of a simple truth.

As we watched and listened to the music part of the worship, the Holy Spirit began to speak to me.
Not audibly, yet clearly. The earth that had fallen around me began to settle, and rescue headed my way. The voices of defeat from my past continued to scream, yet the Holy Spirit's sweet whisper overcame the voices. Jeremy had been in a small group I was part of when Karen and I first started youth ministry. His family and our family became close and have remained so. The Lord allowed me the privilege to make some investment in his life, all of which the enemy continued trying to keep me from seeing. This time was not the first time the enemy threw blinders on me. This time, though, the Spirit's still voice was coming through. Jeremy stopped singing, and he picked up his Bible. He read from Psalm 46. I wonder if you might take a moment and read that Psalm with me? (https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm+46&version=ESV)

As Jeremy read from God's word about the earth giving way and the waters roaring I began to feel the Spirit lifting me to the "holy habitation of the Most High." In spite of my messed up life - yes in spite of me - the Spirit of God had taken this young man from a Godly family and was using him today to reach masses who were struggling to find some stability in uncertain times. Not until later when I stepped outside of the house did I fully grasp what the Lord taught me during that time of worship. He doesn't need me to do His work. He wants to use me, and He will use me, but He doesn't need me. He can do just fine on His own. My frantic efforts to do the right thing by everyone else are nothing compared to the "Lord of hosts," literally the Lord of armies.

The verse came back to me that he read so confidently. The very verse I have shared on multiple occasions. "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" Psalm 46:10, ESV. The Lord will be exalted whether or not I can make things come together. The Lord will be exalted whether or not everyone thinks I am working hard enough. The Lord will be exalted whether or not the earth shakes and trembles. He is God, and being in His presence brings peace. His desire for me is to be still and know Him. He used a young teenage boy who has become a compassionate young man with a gift for music and a heart for God's people to remind me to be still. I long for the stillness and acceptance I saw in Jeremy Sunday. That longing is only filled by Christ. What a blessing to be still and consider what God does when the one who was led becomes the leader.

Social Distancing

The view from the front porch has changed over the last couple of years. We live in a different world than we did back then. You've changed, and I've changed, too. I'm older now. Dumber than ever. More realistic perhaps. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just more transparent with my reality now. I'm heavier than I used to be. Can't see as well and can't hear as well. I'm older now.

The circumstances of COVID-19 (isn't it amazing how some phrases can so quickly become household phrases?) cause many to take a moment to reflect and cause some to take several moments to react. Reflection or reaction. Two responses to life that lead us down very different paths. Which path are you on? Do you ever feel like you've got one leg on one path and one on the other? Visualize that humorous picture for a moment. Here we go walking down diverging paths with our legs spread wide trying to walk down both paths. Eventually, we will end up doing the splits and falling flat on our faces (or perhaps the other direction - don't visualize that one too much please). As human beings, one would think, at least from my front porch, that we have to choose. Are we going to be reflectors or reactors?

Psalm 27 paints a portrait for us from a king who made a decision to be a reflector. You might consider joining me briefly in reading the Psalm. It's not a long one.

David gives us insight into his quiet time on numerous occasions, and Psalm 27 is one of them. He openly talks about fear and loneliness. He references anxiety and the unknown. Reading David's journal takes me to the enemies I fight daily. Physical, emotional, and spiritual enemies struggle within me to steal my peace and joy. Fear and desperation fill the space of the fight. I can't make it on my own. As I consider all those in our community who are fighting similar battles, I wonder how many are trying to make it on their own.

The idea of social distancing makes it difficult to join others in the fight. One of my wife's coworkers pointed out that we are social people creating to need each other. She coined a new phrase - "physical distancing yet socially connecting." The new phrase requires creativity and energy, but isn't the value of community worth the creativity and energy required? Do we need crafted environments to care for another, to enjoy one another, to hear one another? Limiting groups of 10 or more don't stop us from living. Here are some ideas.

1. Walk outside and try to find a neighbor you've never met. Smile, wave, and consider initiating a conversation. You don't have to be in someone's face to hear his story.

2. Call a senior adult you know and see if she needs you to run to the grocery store for her or pick up her medicine. She is afraid. You are not. Do something.

3. Trim your bushes that desperately need trimming. You'll feel better. Your neighbors will appreciate you. You might actually get some blooms that have been kept back. Clean your driveway. It's amazing what clean concrete will do for the senses.

4. Spend some time on your porch or just sitting down in the grass in your yard. Soak in the sun (with sunscreen please) and breathe deeply. Thank God for the ability to breathe.

5. Read a new book or start a new Bible study.

6. Write cards and encouraging notes for someone.

7. Take some games to a foster family trying to figure out what to do with their new time together.

8. Prepare a meal for someone who can't get to the store and who can't do takeout. Or even better, support a small business by buying a meal for takeout and delivering it to someone with a smile. You can leave it at their door and give them a smile through a window.

9. Talk to the people in your house about their own fears and dreams and hopes for the future.

10. Play your favorite music loudly and dance around the house. Who cares if someone is looking? Use physical distancing to your advantage.

11. Play worship music and mediate on the faithfulness of God. Use your time to enter into His presence and to know Him more fully than you've known Him before.

12. Record yourself reading some books and share them with your children and grandchildren. Post them online so children in a children's hospital perhaps can log into them and hear them. Maybe sing some songs, make some crafts, and connect online with folks at a Ronald McDonald House, in a cancer ward, or at a senior living facility. In addition to the diseases these people are fighting, now their social interaction has been take as well.

David celebrates in Psalm 27:6. "And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord." Let not your head be low. Let our Father lift our heads by the power of His Spirit. Don't let the physical, emotional, and spiritual enemies defeat you. Offer sacrifices of joy to the world around you. Sing. Sing loudly and make melody to the Lord!!! The world needs to see Hope that comes from Christ alone. I choose today to be a Reflector. Will you choose with me?

Why Do They Have To Be The Enemy?

Ugh. Once again we are in the middle of a politically charged environment. Really, it never ended. Once the most recent presidential election unfolded, the storm was set on what seems to be a never ending, irreversible course. The recent primaries in Florida revealed more of the same. Whether the craziness is the result of the storm or an additional driver to the storm is hard to tell.

When did we lose statesmen? Why can't we have an intellectual exchange of ideas where we discuss ideology without hatred and racism coming into the conversation? When did people of faith lose their convictions? When did Jesus become a Republican? Or when did he become a Democrat? Why are we afraid to stand on our own and to speak out against the hate speech that destroys our sense of well being. My kids are growing up in a culture where to be a follower of Christ you first have to align with some political party. If you align with the wrong one, then you are demonized by the other side and often in the name of LOVE. What's love got to do with it? Thanks, Tina Turner. Love has nothing to do with the arguments that are being thrown around. It's all about power and control. It's about ME and what is best for MY TRIBE. Doesn't anyone care about the others? Is there some new sacred text out there that justifies destroying those who disagree with us for the sake of our tribe coming out on top?

I'm aware of the Old Testament, for sure. As a matter of fact, I would consider myself a student of the Old Testament. I would have to put forward, though, that the conquering of lands by Israel was with a specific intent to describe the character of God for those people and was not ever intended to become the mantra of the people of God today. Nowhere do we see in the teachings of Jesus or in the post-resurrection writings that we are to elevate ourselves by putting others down. Quite the contrary.

Unfortunately early in church history, the idea of introducing others to the real Jesus went out the window, and instead protecting the TRIBE became the norm. If you don't fit into our mold, then you are evil, regardless of whether or not the mold looked anything like Jesus. So much time has passed and so much TRIBALISM has taken over the church that many find it hard to even know what Jesus might have been like. Read a passage of scripture that contradicts your tribe's philosophies. Share it with members of the tribe. Begin to talk like you believe the passage and that you feel like it contradicts the norm of the group. Begin to behave in a manner consistent with what you believe. See how long it takes for you to be shamed into submission for going against the accepted platform.

What would happen if we all took a deep breath and went to a quiet place for a while? What if we saw those around us as people and not positions? What if we became less concerned about tribal bonds and more concerned about helping everyone find their way? No wonder the world - even the American world - wants very little to do with Jesus. Those who claim to follow Him have so demonized those who disagree with them there seems to be little to no hope for them anyway. If following Jesus means taking on the nature of some political candidate, then that doesn't interest me at all. If following Jesus means taking on the nature of Jesus, then let's talk. If your posts and actions say one thing but your Sunday talk says another .... well that's a problem for all of us isn't it?

I am just as much a hypocrite as the next person for sure. I will say, though, that I am trying to be open to what is happening and to see the world around me in a different light - one that isn't filled with hatred and disgust but instead is filled with compassion and understanding. Why do those who think differently than we do have to be the enemy?

MASH

From 1972 to 1983 a 30 minute dark comedy aired that portrayed the personal cost of war on individuals, families, and societies. MASH was not a show we watched as a family, and I never really questioned why. Perhaps it just came on at an inconvenient time or during another show that took priority in the family. While I never knew much about the show's content, the theme song caught my ear during college. Each week the music minus lyrics filtrated the homes of American families, many who never knew the meaning behind the tune playing over and over as a soundtrack that carried throughout the week. Did you know that the title to the song is "Suicide is Painless"? Here are the lyrics for your interest.

http://www.metrolyrics.com/suicide-is-painless-lyrics-mash.html

While many would argue that the song is depressing and should be stripped from the musical libraries of our world, the words are so real that they frighten those who choose to live in a world that does not exist. You see, fear is the great maker behind all masks. Our society thrives on hiding from all that scares us. We hide our feelings and our failures. We hide behind masks of power and prestige. We throw out words that spread the lie that everything is okay when the broken pieces of our lives are cutting gashes into our hearts because no one wants to know. No one wants to see. No one wants to hear. No one wants to feel. Stay hidden on the journey that will eventually end in death.

Death happens in so many different ways. My dad died from pancreatic cancer. We thought it would be from heart disease or from smoking. A friend's mom died after being struck by a car while crossing the street. We thought she would live forever. A student was struck by lighting, and another was killed in a drunk driving accident. A cousin died by suicide. An uncle died by drinking himself to death. Another uncle - stabbed by his girlfriend. A close family friend died from natural causes late in her 80's while the son of a family friend died in his 30's from an aneurysm. No one really knows how or when. No one knows if death will come suddenly or over time.

Robin Williams was an amazing actor and comic. He could make people laugh just by looking a certain way. He made movies that made us think about how we were living our own lives. His heart was large for those around him. We all allowed him the pleasure of helping us escape for a few moments or a few hours as he created a life that made us smile and cry all at the same time. I won't pretend to know what was happening in his life. I just know that the news reported he died - by suicide.

What makes someone who seems to be full of life find the answer in a sudden, self inflicted death? Could the song be right? Is suicide really painless? I suppose not for those who are left behind to figure out what happened or for those who are trying to put the pieces back together. What about for the person who sees this option as the only one? Do the ravages of personal war plague our lives so strongly that the only way to be free is to commit death - emotional or physical - by suicide?

The answer to that question should be a resounding "no." My friends associated with the church would say that there is another way. Those with families near them would also cry out in rejection of the notion that death by suicide is the best answer. Personally, I cannot imagine that death by suicide is the best answer either. I can, however, see why some would find this path the most obvious path for the moment. Without someone to help guide us through, we all get to places where we think there is no future. The dead ends are surrounded by impenetrable boulders and vines. What is the other way? Most people don't suggest anything that is tangible. Lots of ideas and meditative prayers rise to the surface. Does anyone have an answer that someone can really cling to and use to find a way to shore? Can the church perhaps decide to dive into the water and pull someone to safety rather than just cheering him on from the shore?

In later years, spinoffs of MASH surfaced helping us to see that there is life after war. How did they survive? They looked within themselves, focused on what they could affect, and decided to make a new life that mattered - at least for the moment. In essence, they committed a different form of death by suicide - bury the past by creating the future. Unfortunately, suicide is not painless. Suicide does not remove the pain. Somehow we have to find a way to embrace what the future holds and use the past to keep us from making the same mistakes again. Make the future what you need it to be to survive. War stinks. Survival stings. Life ....